Fear I Hope Never to Face


Many people have fear, in fact I would go as far to say that every rational person in the world has fear. They can be rational; fear of death, pain or sharp objects, or irrational; fear of feathers, plants or sneezing. In any case it is simply the mind working through or rationalising reasonable reactions and understanding what it doesn’t yet comprehend. It is my thought that the more you know in general, the less we’re likely to have fear that paralyses or controls us.
That being said, my fear is something that, if it were realised, I wouldn’t know about it, which is one of the main reasons that I fear it.
To forget.
Nothing important, you understand, I forget little things on a daily basis, but people that are dear to me, places that mean something to me, conversations, without which, I wouldn’t be who I am, or think the way I think. To forget something as important as that I fear would leave a gap in my heart so to speak, it would change me on levels that I wouldn’t be aware of and in ways that perhaps aren’t for the best.
It is my genuine belief that such a memory already escapes me, the memory of someone or something important. I have nothing more than a gut feeling to go on in this case, no proof that who or whatever, ever existed. Only an overwhelmingly sad feeling I get once in a while for no discernible reason, there have been times when this feeling has brought me to tears. The frustration is immeasurable and the thought that something that was so important to me is gone, without even knowing what or who it was or maybe even is, can be incredibly distressing at the best of times. What I wouldn’t give to be able to open up my hearts memories and find what fills the void that I swear was once full.
There I go again, even as I write, my eyes well up, my heart aches and I try desperately to recover the memory that may or may not float just out of reach.
To loose something important, whether you’re conscious of the loss or not, is devastating, all the more so if you don’t remember, as you miss all of the memories that made it special and just wind up with an empty feeling.
It is completely impossible to realise the fear of forgetting, yet it is the one thing that I fear most in the whole of existence. I hope with all my heart that my most treasured memories will stay with me as long as I live.


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